I have two really fun mom friends who I spend a lot of time with. Between the three of us, we have eight kids under the age of seven! We hang together as often as possible because we need to converse with people who don’t whine when they talk and use a tissue instead of their shirt to wipe their nose. We are a perfect fit because, while we all love our kids and do our best for them, we are a far cry from the stereotypical PTA mom (and nothing against PTA moms–you guys rock it so that we don’t have to!)
At a recent park outing, a group of young girls asked if they could push my friend’s three-year-old on the baby swing. Thirty minutes went by as we were chattering away in our own world, when another mom comes over and taps me on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, is that your boy sitting in the swing yelling?” We all look to see the poor little guy hanging there in the swing. The girls had just left him there! Only five minutes earlier we had thanked the girls, but we didn’t notice they hadn’t actually taken the three-year-old out! Well, our group (being who we are) just busted out laughing! We of course then retrieved the child, who recovered immediately. What bad moms!
Soon after, my friend showed me the trailer for the movie Bad Moms, coming out in the theaters on July 29th, and I nearly peed my pants laughing! It’s about moms who rebel against trying to be a perfect mom. We are making it a “Mom’s Night Out” sans kids, of course! This got me thinking of all the little shortcuts that my mom friends and I take due to laziness (stemming from pure exhaustion) that might qualify us as “bad moms.”
Here is a list of some of our best “bad mom” antics:
- Immediately toss out all school notices pertaining to the next theme day at school to avoid buying a special outfit just for “wear orange day” or “minion day.” The rule is simple: if my son mentions it to me ahead of time, I’ll do it. Otherwise, “I forgot.”
- Let my kids play on the IPad until 11 p.m. knowing full well they won’t shut it off voluntarily, just so I can watch my episode of The Bachelorette in peace.
- Send my husband to every possible baseball game, claiming I have a headache, to avoid being eaten alive by bugs.
- Make wine a staple at every Friday noontime play date in order to maintain a level of sanity only alcohol can provide with so many kids around.
- Let my kids climb up the slide (oh no!) and not intervene even when I notice other kids can’t slide down.
- Rebel against the dance studio “rules” by not putting make-up on my FOUR-YEAR-OLD daughter for the photos or dance recital.
- Avoid eye contact with the dance teacher at all costs to avoid signing up to volunteer as the stage mom for said dance recital.
- Let my kids eat chicken nuggets and drink juice to their heart’s desire just to avoid mealtime fights, despite being a pediatric nutritionist.
- Extend the “two-second rule” to two minutes when food falls on the floor. They can eat it as long as the dog has not laid claim to it.
- Put socks on the kids’ dirty feet before bed to keep the sheets clean so I don’t have to give them a bath.
- Tell my children the music from the ice cream truck only plays so the kids won’t cry when they are out of ice cream.
- When asking the kids to do anything, start with screaming first. Waiting to ask three or four times calmly and sweetly before yelling is just a waste of precious time.
- Discover at 4:30 a.m., as I’m about to leave for work, that my four-year-old has peed in the bed that he is currently sharing with my husband. I’m late, they are sleeping so soundly. So obviously I leave them to sleep blissfully unaware that they are sleeping in urine.
- Rip off the ingredient list of the store-bought cupcakes because it says,”May have been manufactured on equipment that has been exposed to peanuts or tree nuts.” (Just kidding….I have a nut allergy, I’d never do that! I may; however, try to pass them off as homemade).
Kids don’t care if their sandwiches are “Pinterest-perfect” (who has time to make sandwiches into traffic lights?!) or if we make their birthday cakes from scratch. You may be surprised that despite all of these “bad mom” antics, our kids are all thriving and happy. It’s about the love and time you spend with them, not about being perfect!