Fat Mom Walking: The Weight of Obesity on Motherhood

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[dropcap]I [/dropcap]was standing in the dim light of our post-dinner kitchen absentmindedly snacking on cookies when my daughter wandered by. “What are you doing?”

“Eh, eating my feelings,” I said sarcastically.

“I want to eat my feelings,” she heartbreakingly replied. 

This is just one of a million moments where my weight and relationship with food cause me to question my motherhood. According to Bloomberg, the average American woman is overweight and 27% of American women age 18- 44 are obese. This number increases with age and decreases with income and urbanicity. Even more alarming is that a 2017 study published in the Journal for Clinical Research in Pediatric Endocrinology found that girls with overweight parents were heavier than their peers with normal-weight parents. My point is, this issue affects everyone. 

[pinterest count=”horizontal”] being an overweight mom affects every aspect of my motherhood

The Unfit Mother

I was at an amusement park last spring and had to get off of a ride because the restraint wouldn’t close around my stomach. My thought then had been that I didn’t want to be the fat mom. I don’t want to be the mom too heavy to go on rides with my kids; the one too tired and slow to be fun. 

However, the consequences of my weight on my kids are much more far-reaching than my ability to enjoy an amusement park with them. My daughter’s opinion of me is one of the few I actually care about. And even more terrifying is the impact on her opinion of herself. I am out of time. Her thoughts around body image are forming NOW. Healthy and unhealthy habits are forming NOW. Her opinion of me, her opinion of herself and her relationship with her body. 

And, I’m frozen. In tears as I write this. I’d like to say that I am going to get up tomorrow and swear off drive-thrus and fall in love with exercise. [quote]I love my kids. I would do anything for them. Anything, but get fit. [/quote]

Help Carry the Weight

Chances are you know a mom like me who is struggling with her weight (or you are struggling with weight yourself) and have felt at times like you weren’t sure how to be most supportive, so here are my thoughts on how you can help carry the weight.

  • Know that the struggle with my weight is a fight with my brain and not my butt. 
  • I don’t need anyone to tell me I need to lose weight or eat better or exercise. Assume your loved one looks in the mirror, bought bigger pants and the commentary in their head is scathing and judgemental enough.
  • I need encouragement, but not the way you think. I don’t need weight loss advice unless I ask for it.
  • “Gee, have you lost weight?” or “That shirt is so slimming!” are not compliments. Tell me I’m patient. Tell me I’m kind. Tell me I’m strong.
  • Ask me how I’m feeling and listen. Ask me to come for a walk and tell me about your own body struggles.
  • Encourage me to be kind to myself.
  • Talk to me about things other than how I feel and what I weigh.
  • [quote]Love me, fat or skinny. [/quote]

 

1 COMMENT

  1. I struggle so hard with this! I’m about to bring a baby girl into the world and it’s one of my greatest fears that she’ll absorb my body image tendencies. I just finished reading “Mothers, Daughters and Body Image” by Hillary McBride and her throughtfulness and thoroughness on the topic convinced me that I can change for the sake of my daughter.

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