I Didn’t Sign Up for This

When I said I wanted to have a baby, what I meant was, I’m ready to be a Pinterest mom. You know the mom I’m talking about. The mom who lost all of her baby weight one week postpartum, the mom who showers daily and always looks fashionable with her fashionable kids, and the mom who is constantly doing new fun things with her little ones. I was going to be her, no question about it. That is what I truly thought I was signing up for. Then reality set in.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my boys, my reality, and being a mom, but man is it different than what I imagined! I didn’t sign up to have two babies at the same time. I most definitely didn’t sign up to be a preemie mom. I didn’t sign up to be covered in food, drool and various other mystery stains. I didn’t sign up to spend days at a time stuck in the house for various reasons with my tiny humans. I didn’t sign up to spend my days bickering with a smaller version of myself. I didn’t sign up to resent my husband purely because he gets to leave the house everyday and interact with other adults. I didn’t sign up to lose myself. Nope. That’s certainly not what I signed up for.

There are days when I just walk around repeating “I didn’t sign up for this” over and over and over again.

These days are usually filled with tantrums (thrown by babies and grown-ups alike), exhaustion, and lots of frustration over any number of things. The days when I just can’t seem to catch a break but a break is ALL that I need! Some days I still wonder where that Pinterest fantasy mom went. Sometimes I still dream that maybe that could be me, and for a day or two, I even I pull it off.

But then I remember that even if I am not a perfect mom, here’s what is perfect: my kids are happy, healthy, loved, curious, active, and wonder-filled. I spend my days exploring the world through the eyes of my two adventurous tiny humans. Watch them learn, grow, and try new things. I get endless hugs, kisses, and reminders that I am their world. I get to share in the joy and pride of every milestone. I have learned so much about myself as person and gained a sense of strength since becoming a mom. And guess what? I didn’t sign up for any of that either.

There is no such thing as the perfect mom.

We are all perfect for our little ones and trying as hard we can. So remember that even though you may not have signed up for all the frustrations, there are so many positive moments that you didn’t realize you were signing up for either. And in the end, when we look back we won’t remember every “I didn’t sign up for this” moment; we will remember the bright and shining moments and in turn, so will they.