Just One? Why We Lovingly Embrace Having An Only Child

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That’s right. We have an only child, and it’s pretty great. 

There are many pivotal moments in everyone’s lives. To many traditionalists, these moments go in a particular order. First you’re bopping around the world solo, then you meet someone, then you get married, then you have an only child, then you have another. While this is a lovely path for sure, it’s not for everyone. Sometimes there are twists and crazy turns along the way. But that doesn’t stop the questions:

For a single person: Are you dating?

Or a dating couple: When are you going to get married?

Or a married couple: When are you going to have kids?

For people with one kid: Just one? 

These questions are generally friendly, but they make some pretty big assumptions. Sometimes they can hurt. You just never know what someone’s story is—they could be struggling to get their partner to dive into marriage or struggling to have a child. The fact is, someone’s next ginormous life step is none of your beeswax, and they’ll tell you if they want you to know about it.

This brings me to our little family.

We’re married couple, and we have a four-year-old amazing little girl. I can’t even tell you how many times I get asked when we’re going to have another child. So much so, I’ve tried to beat people to the punch:

“We just have one. One little girl. She’s four. We’re not sure if we’re going to have another. We’re still deciding.”

Some people accept this, and others try to convince me to have another child, citing sibling love, only child entitlement and other seemingly compelling arguments. I’ve also heard, “And you’d better start trying now because (insert my age, insert the age difference of our imaginary second child).”

I’ve even had someone ask, “Doesn’t your family feel incomplete with an only child?”

I smile and listen because I know it’s coming from a place of love or curiosity, but the answer is a resounding “no!” Because since when is it not OK to be absolutely, wonderfully content with what we have right now? I felt complete as a single person, and then again as a couple, a married lady and a mama with “just one.”

I don’t know what the next step will be for our awesome little fam of three. But since moving to the Seacoast last spring, we’ve met several other “only child” families. It’s nice to be in the same boat (an only child needs more playdates!) and to share similar stories (an only child often needs his or her space!).

I do know that I don’t regret a moment or consider a single second wasted. Because “I don’t know” is a perfectly suitable answer when it comes to the future. The present is pretty great, too.

So to all the single ladies and men and couples and married folk and people with one child or two or eight: Congratulations! You’re exactly where you should be in this very moment.