Leaving Full-Time Work: Reflecting on my One-Year Anniversary

September marks one year since I gave up full-time work outside the home. I no longer have benefits, a staff, or a record of 19 years of professional full-time employment without a break. Dropping out was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. Getting pregnant for the first time at age 39 was probably only slightly more terrifying.

But I was tired of being tired and having zero energy for anything but work.

I needed flexibility, email-free evenings, and guaranteed weekends off to care for my 11-month-old son, Everett. At the time, he was getting physical therapy and speech services weekly. We were also traveling two hours round-trip each month to get his head measured for the helmet he wore to improve the shape of his head.

• I was worried when I wasn’t able to physically be at the office.
• I jumped every time my phone buzzed, signaling yet another email to answer.
• Every time I heard Everett sniffle, it made me fear I’d have to take a sick day to stay home with him and jeopardize a deadline.

The Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that working moms with young children often come to this crossroads: mothers with younger children are less likely to be in the labor force than mothers with older children. In 2015, the labor force participation rate of mothers with children under six-years-old was lower than the rate of those whose youngest child was six to 17 years old (64.2 percent versus 74.4 percent). The participation rate of mothers with infants under a year old was 58.1 percent.

It took me months of agonizing before I handed in my resignation letter.  

A father of three, my boss simply remarked, “Krysten, my wife was a vice president. When our third son arrived, she had to make the same hard decision. I understand.” I talked to friends, family, acquaintances, and random moms in Facebook groups to get as many opinions as possible. They all told me I wouldn’t regret having more time with my son; time is worth more than money. I decided to believe them. I was terrified of slashing our family income, stalling my marketing career, creating distance with my friends, and losing my identity completely. To a degree, all of these things happened.

I gave myself a year to accomplish a bunch of goals. 

• Lose the baby weight, preferably 30 pounds.
• Learn how to build a website from scratch.
• Volunteer regularly in the community.
• Cook decent dinners for my family each night.
• Join a bunch of mother-baby groups.
• Pick up freelance writing assignments.

I had a lot of stops and starts this year. But the reality is that most of my original goals did not get accomplished.

After about two months of unemployment, I started searching for part-time jobs. I did a short stint of data entry work before settling into a part-time job in January. I am just now starting to pick up contract work in addition to this job so we can avoid drawing money from our savings account, and I can still pursue my passion for writing. Do I have more balance? In a way yes, and in a way no. My son is still in full-time daycare. I am still chubby. We attend mom-baby groups when we can. Most of all, I am still trying to discover who I am at 42 with an almost two-year-old. Am I happier? I guess it’s a relative question, and one I’ll need another year to answer honestly.

Here are some tips to help you make the transition from full-time work to full- or part-time mom:

• Don’t ditch daycare right away. Seriously. I was not cut out for staying at home with my son for up to 12 hours each day, alone. Until you know you are able to do it, don’t give up child care.
• Make sure you have a padded savings account. It’s amazing how much money goes out, even when you think you are being frugal. Make sure you have at least six months’ worth of backup income.
• Keep some irons in the fire. Before you quit your job, make sure your professional contacts know where you will be and how they can get in touch with you. You never know when you might be itching to jump back into the workforce.
• Set your house up for success. If you are going to mostly care for a small child at home, baby-proof your house BEFORE you are home with him or her. Invest in gates and cabinet locks; you might even rearrange entire rooms so that your child has a few safe places to play.
• Be emotionally ready to make the break, and don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t base your decisions on someone else’s script. No one else lives your life–only you do.
• Realize that no situation is ever set in stone. We are not trees; we can move if we don’t like where we are standing. Yes, you may risk getting the same high salary you once earned if you drop out of the rat race for a bit. But you might discover a whole new career path, too. Or, you might decide that you are exactly where you are needed right now: at home taking care of your family.
• Open yourself up to a “new normal.” Things today are never exactly the same as they were yesterday. The only constant in life is change: go with it and don’t look back.

Let me know if you’ve made the leap and how you are coping. I want to hear honest input from other moms.