In Defense of the Mother-In-Law

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Mother-in-law. What’s your gut reaction when you hear that term? Mothers-in-law have a pretty bad rap in our culture. A quick Google search results in first page results that supports this claim. Although I can’t pretend to know what it’s like to be a mother-in-law (although there’s a chance I will be one someday), I can’t help but feel bad for many of the mothers-in-law out there.

1385948_10100128601842682_1676318884_nMaybe I’m uniquely lucky, or maybe we don’t give most mothers-in-law enough of a chance, but my mother-in-law is one of my favorite people.

And it’s not that she swooped in to fill a void I had in terms of my relationship with my own mom (she’s one of my favorite people, too!) She’s a pretty awesome person who loves her son so much that she embraced me from day one. And I think, even if we didn’t have compatible personalities, that she would have embraced me anyway.

She made it easy for me to let her in, and I’m so glad I did.

After I had my first baby, my mother-in-law was right there in the hospital helping me learn how to breastfeed him through my tears of frustration and utter exhaustion. After I had my second baby, she traveled hours to stay with my son while we were in the hospital. And after my third, she traveled again to help us as we figured out life with three kids. In between, she has offered countless times to take care of our children, and has supported us through every decision we’ve made. The best part is that she has done this while at the same time totally respecting our choices and our boundaries. She’s pretty stellar–she is a genuinely caring, thoughtful, and nurturing person.

I’d like to think that if she had any of the qualities that I hear some people complain about in a mother-in-law, I would love her anyway.

Why? Because most mothers-in-law just want their children to be happy with their chosen partner and want to know and love their grandchildren if they’re lucky enough to have any. I’m not sure they’re all as bad as we make them out to be. I’d like to think that I’d communicate openly with my mother-in-law about anything that bothered me, and that I’d work towards having a healthy relationship with her. Perhaps I’m naive and perhaps this is easier said than done–depending on who you call your mother-in-law. And I realize that there are absolutely cases where a healthy relationship cannot flourish. That said, I’ll just continue to be grateful for my mother-in-law and for my relationship with her.

I know there must be more of you out there who hit the mother-in-law jackpot. Share your favorite thing about your mother-in-law with us and let’s celebrate these awesome women together.

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Hello, I’m Taylor! I am Mama to three beautiful kids, ages five and three, and a brand new little guy who is snuggling me as I write this. Parenting with my amazing partner James has sent us on a quest to craft the very best life we can imagine for our family. To us, that means that each of us (kids included) can pursue our passions while spending as much time as possible together as a family unit. Since 2011, we have moved three times and both changed careers multiple times. We’re now happily settled in the Seacoast, a truly special place that we think will be our forever home. We both work from home, trading time spent working and time spent with our kids. We are passionate about our homeschooled children taking the lead in their own learning and our days are spent supporting them and their interests. I am a birth and postpartum doula and co-founder of New Mama Project, a site filled with resources and support to help new mothers navigate the postpartum transition and the profound identity shift of becoming a mom. I love exploring the Seacoast, dreaming about traveling, learning to knit, and reading and talking about homeschooling and unschooling.

2 COMMENTS

  1. My Mother-in-Law was a great listener. She loved me like her own daughter. She had some little quirks that sometimes drove me crazy. Like keeping secrets about her medical problems until they were so huge that it was shocking to hear. She passed away last November at a young 66 years. My daughter misses her terribly as we all do. My best advice to any woman is to embrace your mother-in-law. She loves your husband as much or maybe even more than you do. She loves your grandkids almost as much as you too. She’s worth the time and energy to build a relationship with. She’s got some years on you, don’t forget she won’t be around forever.

  2. My mother-in-law is the best. She’s opinionated and has strong feelings about some things, and that’s one of the things I like about her. She shares her thoughts but tries really hard to listen to others. She’s a great mother to my husband, a great grandmother to my girls, and a great mother-in-law to me. We’re “doing life” differently than my in-laws did, but they respect that, even if it makes them a little uncomfortable. And they are a great support system. Couldn’t imagine not having a great relationship with them!

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