“Will I regret this?” is a question many of us ask ourselves. It sounds negative, but it actually keeps us focused.
At the end of the year, we all do a little pause for reflection.
What gave us pride? What filled us with regret? This bittersweet part of reflection affects us all differently, and it’s an especially sensitive topic for mothers. Too often we hammer our hearts with thoughts like:
- Am I being selfish?
- Will my family thrive with this decision?
- Did I completely mess up my child’s life?
Wherever you find yourself at the end of this year, and whatever decisions you had to make, here are some things to remember and not regret…
- Saying no to extra demands on your time. We all have time-consuming obligations that we can’t control, but we do have free time that we can control. A polite, “No, thank you,” is all you need to say. There is no need to always pause to offer an apology or detail an explanation.
- Making time for yourself. Whatever it is that you like to do, go out and do it. Set aside some reasonable time for yourself each week to do something that brings you joy. You don’t have to use every waking moment you have to check off something in the “Good Mom” category. Save some checks for the “Me” category.
- Leaving your job to stay at home. Maybe you really want to keep working, but you just can’t manage it right now. Or perhaps you had a plan with Baby #1, and then Baby #2 came along and you had to alter it. That’s okay–you can always go back to work later. Appreciate this unique time in your life to be with your kids at home. It might give you a different perspective or even a whole different career path for later.
- Leaving your home to go to work. If you need to work, you need to work. Money doesn’t grow on trees, and for many of us, staying at home is not an option. But if you need to work because it’s just a part of who you are, then don’t feel guilty about it. If your best friend decided that staying at home wasn’t for her, would you judge her? Probably not. She would still be the same caring, attentive, and devoted mother you always knew she would be. You, too, are that caring, attentive, and devoted mother, too.
- Managing your body differently in order to get through pregnancy and childbirth. Maybe you had to take that nausea medicine that you would have preferred not to swallow. Perhaps you couldn’t breastfeed or had to stop nursing earlier than you would have liked. Every mom wants to have the perfect pregnancy and dreams of a natural childbirth. But it’s just not realistic for most of us. Appreciate what your body could handle during these times and how far it has gotten you.
- Splurging on a much-needed family vacation that your bank account could have gone without. Sometimes, we need to take a spur-of-the-moment vacation and just get away together. It’s unplanned, often expensive, but very worth it. Life is about spending time with your loved ones, and sometimes these spontaneous trips are the most memorable. And it’s money you won’t regret spending.
- Every moment spent with your kids. Even the unpleasant ones. Obviously, we treasure the time we spend with our kids. But take a moment to really stop and acknowledge all of the little moments where you really pay attention to your child. Every time you decide not to check a text in front of your child, or break out of a conversation with a friend to respond to “Hey, Mom! Watch this,” you are investing in your child’s being. Even when conflicts arise, remember that they won’t last forever.
