Why am I choosing to use formula from day one? The answer is very simple, because I want to. This should be enough, but I’ll expand.
I want to start by saying this is my opinion and my opinion only. I do not judge anyone who thinks or feels differently than I do about how to feed their children. I am sharing my perspective, which is my own and should not be taken as anything but that.
The thought of being my child’s food supply intimidates and stresses me out. If I’m being honest with myself and all of you, it’s the only part of parenting that ever made me think maybe it’s not for me.
Society and the medical community place a ton of pressure around exclusively breastfeeding. For a long time, this made me feel like I wasn’t cut out to be a mother.
Before getting pregnant I did not feel any connection or desire to breastfeeding. However, I assumed as soon as a baby started developing inside of me, that would change. I imagined the hormones would magically create some need or desire to connect with my baby in this way. After our fertility journey (filled with miscarriage, IUI’s, hormone treatment and two rounds of IVF) and nine months into our pregnancy, nothing has changed. At first I judged myself. Why did I not feel this desire? What’s wrong with me? Does this mean I won’t be able to bond with my baby?
I decided to share these thoughts with others. I quickly realized I wasn’t alone. Many women I connected with didn’t feel a true desire to breastfeed, but more of a pressure to do so. In some cases, this pressure led to a lot of early feeding challenges. Extreme fatigue, stress, resentment for their partner and overwhelm are side effects of solely breastfeeding. Other women, felt extremely different, describing emotions of pride, connection and control.
I started to shift my perspective and realized there’s no right or wrong answer. I have the opportunity to do what’s best for me and our family.
Once I was able to make this shift, I built a feeding plan with my husband that felt aligned to our desires.
If we’re going to use formula, which option feels best for us. to determine this, we dug into our values. We wanted the formula to be as close to breast milk as possible. We wanted it to be clean and organic. We wanted it to support our babies development. Lastly, women owned would be a plus. We set out on a mission to find something that met this criteria and aligned with Bobbie. Again, this is our personal choice, based off of our needs.
What will feeding look like? In our family, feeding will be fairly distributed. My husband and I will share feeding responsibilities. This will adapt and change over time, but going into parenthood our plan is have a majority feeder every night. This will allow one person 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. The person who feeds will also be responsible for cleaning the bottles. We’ve never done this before, so this could all change once we’re in it.
What opportunity does using formula create for us? The ability to share feeding responsibility not only with each other, but our family and friends.
I am not ruling out the possibility that when our daughter is born I have a desire to breastfeed, however, I am not counting on it.
I feel okay with this, in fact, it’s exciting. We are empowered to make choices in the moment, rooted in what’s best for all of us. I hope you choose what’s best for you, too. We have a ton of resources for those who are breastfeeding on this site and also want to support you if you’re formula feeding. Fed is best!
